Als · zullendes · Kind · zog · ich · dich · auf, · warmte · mit · Kleiden · den · kleinen · Wurm...

To the high schoolers who go to the opera dress rehearsals:

Please try to not talk when people are trying to rehearse. I know that you think that what you're going to do this weekend or who's dating who is so much more interesting than what ever the conductor is trying to say to the orchestra or the singers, but opera productions can cost millions of dollars. Literally millions. And people are paying good money to see it.

I realize that this production of Fledermaus is full of Wagner and R. Strauss jokes. When someone comes onstage with Nothung and a winged helmet don't ask what that is. You're mostly intelligent, college bound people. Even if you've never seen The Ring I know you're aware of the stereotype of the fat lady in the metal breastplate with the winged helmet. If a guy in an comedic opera comes onstage wearing a winged helmet, it must be making fun of Brunnhilde.

And about your clothes (and this goes for some of you adults out there too), IT'S A STUPID DRESS REHEARSAL!!!! YOU DON'T NEED TO WEAR A PROM DRESS! You really don't even need a tux unless you're Speight Jenkins or Jon Dean. For men, a nice suit is fine. For women, nice pants or a skirt. This isn't the 50's. No one dresses up excessively anymore (unless you work for the opera or are in Europe). Also, it's Seattle. We tend to be pretty casual here. When I say a skirt, though, I mean one that covers you. Not something a prostitute would wear. This is especially important if you are overweight or over the age of 50. But then you also shouldn't wear jeans.

And please come on time! It's so irritating to be watching the middle of the first act and have to stand up because the people sitting on the other side of me come in late. And then to have them leave after intermission.

So today I went to Kevin's senior recital. It was really good. I think that as far as tone goes, Kevin is better than Marilyn, but then Marilyn is better with technical things. After the recital there were cookies that Kevin's mom and grandma had baked. I started thinking about my own senior recital. No one is left to make cookies for me. My mom died a couple of weeks ago and both of my grandmas are dead. I guess my aunts could do it. But that's if they decide to come to Montana to see me. I doubt they will. They're busy with their own lives.

I'm not sad exactly that my mom died. I didn't have a good relationship with her. She was sick. She was an alcoholic. She was abusive and neglectful. It's hard to be a parent when you're sick I guess. I'm sad and angry that any chance for that sort of relationship is gone. I've found surrogate mother figures in my aunts and Nathan's mom but it's not the same. Nathan's mom has offered to do things like go prom dress shopping with me and take me to the hospital to visit my mom, but I always just politely refused because I already had a prom "dress" and wanted to seem more independent than I was. I didn't feel comfortable drawing Nathan's mom into my family problems. And that's what they were--problems. They were things you just don't discuss in public. My mom died of liver failure from alcoholism. Who can say that they know anyone who died from drinking so heavily for so long that they died? Who can say that that person was their parent. Now that she's dead I know she's not going to come after me again.

I'm converting in December. Rabbi Kinberg said we could invite our families and friends to the ceremony, but I only have two people to invite. I don't really have anyone to be proud of me anymore. Nathan's sister, Hannah is having her bat mitzvah in April and her parents will be all proud of her. I know adult bat mizvahs aren't as big a deal, but it's a sad thought that no one will be there for me.

So I just went to a recital where a guy played Zigeunerweisen. Everyone was talking about how amazing it was, but I can honestly say I heard a 13 year old do it better. The guy today was some how too aggressive with it and it lacked the finesse that Letitia had when she played it. It's not that he did a bad job, it's just that Letitia was really good.

So today was the first football game. I screwed up a couple of times because I couldn't hear anything and so when the drum majors called us to attention, I didn't come to attention a few times. There were sky divers. It was so cool. It was really hot outside. Like 90 degrees. By the time we were back in the stands after the pregame show, my shirt was soaked with sweat. It even soaked through my pants. I'm really not much for football. In fact, I have no idea what's going on during the games. It just looks like a bunch of large men running at each other. Anyway, so then we marched the halftime show and then we marched around the stadium and came around the back. After we'd gotten back into our seats, this one trombone player, Russ, passed out again. Then he woke up and passed out again. I think he's passed out a total of 4 or 5 times since band camp started. He gets horrible migraines and passes out from the pain. Anyway, he sort of passed out on my leg/sousaphone. There were many drunken people. Drinking lots doesn't seem like a good idea when it's 90 out. Alcohol dehydrates you. After the game was over, I came back to my dorm, and then Nathan came. I sort of fell asleep and then I went to get food. I ate 2 pieces of steak and a bowl of pasta with tomato sauce on it. I was full and then a couple of minutes later I was hungry again. I went back for more food and had 3 more pieces of steak and another bowl of pasta. Then half an hour after that I was hungry again. So I'm still hungry. I should be huge and fat with the amount I eat, but for some reason I'm not.

So today I met my "sister". We're not actually sisters. We just have the same last name and both play the tuba. She looks strikingly like my aunt. Maybe we are related.

I'm bored becasue my next class isn't till 4:45 I think. I think I'll make a birthday list even though it's not for 3 months.

An oboe d'amour
A dvd of Die Nacht der Lebenden Loser
Rubber duckies
Chrysanthemums
Chicken marsala from Buca di Beppo
Solti recordings of all of Wagner's operas besides The Ring
23 balls of Debbie Bliss Alpaca Silk in 03
21 balls of DB Alpaca Silk in 04
16 balls of DB Alpaca Silk in 10
Stuffed animal bats
Die Leiden des Jungen Werther
DVD's of Geoffrey Rush movies
Many knitting needles
DVD's of German horror movies (but not Das Experiment.that movie is sick)
DVD's of Japanese horror movies (but not Ju-On.it's really dumb)
A gouger
a webcam
an English horn shaper tip
a subscription to Interweave Knits
Anything else you see that I would like

Things I just want in general:

Orange reed thread
Green Reed thread
a cast of Nathan's head
My DVD player from home
a massage
origami paper
kittens
Gidon Saks (to show up in my room randomly)
more razor blades
yet another sharpening stone
A printer
A graphing calculator
Phailin
an answering machine
an eletric teapot
my sewing machine
sweatshirts
nathan to stop farting all the time

So my roommate decided she'd rather live with her friends down the hall. She's all moved out. Good ridance. I din't really like her anyway. I asked one of my tuba friends to come live with me.

I also made orchestra, probably because only three oboes tried out. I'll probably be principal English horn since none of the other oboes in orchestra own English horns. I didn't make wind ensemble. I suck. Maybe I'll get to be in the Marriage of Figaro. I doubt it though. Mozart wasn't the type of guy to use three oboes in anything.

I'm so fucking terrified right now. I have two auditions today and I'm not prepared. They only sent me the music a couple of weeks ago and i had band camp all last week, so I couldn't practice. I also forgot one of the pieces I was planning to play at home and so I dug out a piece I played 2 years ago. I can't get this one part to work. To top it all off, Missoula is at a different altitude than Bellevue, so my reeds all hate me.

So, now for my list of opera singer qoutes:

Peter Kazaras(Loge)(on blocking): I can't get into that position! My pants will rip!
Greer Grimsley(Wotan): *says something too quiet to hear*
Peter Kazaras: You *really* don't want to see me with my pants off!

Mysterious voice of God?: I'm not sure if this will work or if it's dangerous, but...

Some random stagehand (on the stage fire): Tim, is it supposed to be like that?

Jane Eaglen(sitting on the valkyries rock and waving): Ja, he already came. He was a really nice guy. (and then bunches of stagehands pop out of the rock)

Richard Paul Fink(Pulling Tom Harper along the ground)(stops): Oh would you do that right!?!

Now for intern quotes:

Rajiv(on marriage): I highly recommend it. That and spetum sugery.

Me(on Alberich's costume): I wish I had leather pants and a whip...

Damon(on Friderich Schnorr von Karolsfeldt, the first Tristan): It can get drafty on stage. You could get cold and die I suppose.

Marryy: Oh my god!!! I love shooting up tobacco!!!

Derek's friend: It's in A minor
Derek: That will change.
The guy sitting in front of them: Shut up! Some of us are trying to ejoy the opera!
Derek: I'm sorry.
Guy sitting in front of them: NO SHUT THE FUCK UP!


And then there was the time when the curtain went up and Brunnhilde was scratching her butt instead of sleeping.
And the deer that looked like a llama.
And the anatomically correct boar.

Me with Peter Kazaras:



Don't out noses look similar?

I'd like to express my undying love for the following male opera singers:

Last night I had a dream that I was waiting at a bus stop. The bus never came but eventually a bunch of people came to start fishing at the bus stop. Apparently there was a pond nearby. Then some jock from Newport was going to cast and the hook got stuck in the skin on the back of my neck. He pulled on it before anyone realized it was stuck. Then they couldn't get it out and so they took a pair of scissors and cut my skin to get it out.

God! First I lost my cell phone in Seattle and now all of my knitting needles. And right when I need them because i had to rip out a whole crapload of the sweater I'm making! Damn! Well, maybe it I got my cell phone back I'll get my needles back.

I looked a Derrick's blog yesterday and it was inspiring how dedicated he was to becoming an athlete. So, today I played my oboe for the first time since school got out. I've been usuing my English horn more because I suck at it and I need to get better. I sounded horrible on the oboe, although I could play my scales perfectly, which is something I couldn't really do before (because I never practiced them). Supposedly I'm going to audition for wind ensemble and orchestra before school starts and supposedly they are going to send me the stuff to practice. They need to send it soon because I only have about a month to get ready. Anyway, I've heard that we are supposed to prepare a solo from the standard repertoire. I have no clue what to work on. I guess I could do the Hindemith again, although I'm bored to tears with that piece. I don't have much music. A lot of it got lost at mom's house. I need to do this all myself because my oboe teacher is going on vacation in August and so I only have one lesson left with him.

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God my dad is so fucking stupid! I need a new oboe/English horn case and he won't get me one. I've told him I need one. I've shown him why I need one. He took me to get screws to try to fix it and he still doesn't get that the threads in the screw holes that hold the latches on are threaded. Consequently the case doesn't really close and the oboe he spent $5000 on goes sliding around and banging into the English horn he spent $7000 on. So, we have a total of $12000 worth of instruments banging into each other. He didn't even buy the case in the first place! It came free with the English horn. And the man lectured me in front of my boyfriend about why I'm going to need a locker next year for my oboe, English horn, and tuba! He's worried about someone stealing them when they are being destroyed right before my eyes and he does nothing! He says Loree cases aren't good if my English horn case broke 2 months after I got it. He fails to realize that I've had my Loree oboe case for almost three years now and it still looks like new. Almost every single professional oboist uses Loree instruments and cases and no one I know has ever had a problem with them. He should stop worrying about spending $700 on a case and worry about the $12000 he's already spent on instruments!

There's this new intern at Seattle Opera and at first I didn't like him somehow, but then there was yesterday afternoon. After the first rehearsal, all the interns went to lunch/dinner. So it was Derek, Elspeth, Kathryn, Rajiv(the new guy), and me. We went to Pagliacci's and got food. Rajiv told us all about life in Spokane. He told us about his wife and how they met and stuff. After lunch Rajiv and Derek and I went to go get taffy and Elspeth and Kathryn went to Dick's. Rajiv talked about being married and then he and Derek and I talked about Family Guy, Monty Python, British people, impersonating British people, my ability to distinguish taffy flavors by sight alone, that pigeon, carnies, and opera. It was so much fun. We were all laughing the whole time. It reminded me why I love guys so much. They are so funny and they don't get offended all the time and they are such pervs.

Yesterday I had another riding lesson. This time it was my regular teacher. Her name was Jannet. She was much nicer than Lianna. She didn't yell at me for being stupid. At the end of the lesson we were leading McDuff (I rode McDuff again) through a door when he spooked and wouldn't go through. She tried and tried to pull him through but he didn't move. Finally she went and got a whip. Instead of whipping McDuff though, she sort of tapped it on his saddle and maybe tapped a little bit on his side. It was definately not like being whipped though. More like being poked a little.

Anyway, back to my lesson. I got to ride McDuff again and I think he likes me. I figured out why he was kicking at his belly. He has bug bites there! They itched horribly last week! When I was grooming him he got an erection, which was kind of funny. I guess maybe it happens spontaneously to horses like it does to guys sometimes. Either that or Nathan has some competition:p We saddled up McDuff and then I remembered I forgot to pick his hooves. So then I picked his hooves. It's especially heavy to pick his hind ones. Then we led him down to the arena and Jannet showed me how to steer a horse and stop him and get him to go and stuff. She said I had really good posture. After the lesson was over, I rode McDuff back up to the stables and we tried to lead him through the door but he wouldn't go. Finally we had to lead him through a different door. I was unsaddling him and I took off his girth. I was going to put it over my shoulder so that I could carry all of his stuff back to the tack room at once but hi girth was all sweaty and I got horse sweat all over my hands! Then I led McDuffback to his stall.

After my riding lesson I went to the yarn store and got so much yarn. They were having a sale and I had a coupon so I got yarn for four projects for $300. I'm hoarding away yarn for next year because Missoula doesn't really have yarn stores. So far I have enough for seven projects. Yesterday they even had some Jaeger Silk, which has been discontinued, so I bought some. I think Hilltop Yarn is the only store around where you can actually get enough yarn for a sweater without having to special order it.

After the yarn store, I went to a horse show. I saw two Friesians. One was huge and pretty and a stallion. I wanted to follow his owner back to where ever she kept him but his owner was talking to someone interested in buying a Friesian. I was sad. I watched the other pretty horsies though and it was ok. Maybe I'll see another Friesian at another show and get to pet him or her.

So yesterday I went to another Ring rehearsal. Earlier in the day I had a meeting with the other interns and so after it was over I walked to Seattle Center and got food. Then I waited...and waited...and waited for Nathan. Finally he showed up and we went and sat by the mural ampitheater and watched a seagull eat a pigeon. I looked at the pigeon afterwards and it was all bloody and its ribs were sticking out and stuff. Then we went to the grassy area by McCaw Hall. There was this violin player watching the marching band practice there. Nathan and I poked each other and rolled around in the grass together and the violin player was staring at us. Then I went to the rehearsal and watched the first act of Siegfried. It was funny at the part where Siegfried talks about not looking like Mime because they were both old chubby bald men. Then I watched Mime do his happy little dwarf dance. Then I went home.